When She Loved Me
by Anastasia Athene
Summary: Kellyfic. An exploration of Kelly's life and family before DunderMifflin. Explores why Kelly is the way she is. A little RyanKelly at the end.


**Wow. So this came out late last night, and I finished it this morning. It's a Kelly-fic, and I don't know, I'm really proud of it for some reason. It'san insight to why Kelly is the way she is. I really like it, and I hope that you do. Also, it's seven pages long on Word. That's sort of ridiculous, condsidering I just came up with it last night. LOL. Anyway, I hope that you enjoy this. Also, updates on The Supply Closet Series and also Road Trips will be up soon. I swear, LOL. I just had to post this. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Office. Also, title and lyric are from Sarah McLachlan. It's a very sad song. You should listen to it.**

**  
****When She Loved Me**

_When somebody loved me  
__Everything was beautiful  
__Every hour we spent together  
__Lives within my heart_

---

Kelly hadn't always been like this.

When she was six, she declared that the color pink was ugly, and only reserved for "stupid _girls_." Her parents laughed at her but gave her worried looks all the same, and made her wear a magenta sari for every special occasion. And then after each special occasion, her mother would have to scrub the mud off the pants and carefully remove each grass stain from the sash.

"Ay, why can't she be more like Sevita?" Kelly overheard her mother say once, under her breath in Hindi.

At the time, Kelly had wrinkled her nose and scoffed. Her older sister was the worst of the stupid girls. She loved pink, never ran in the mud, and liked to play dress-up and Barbies. Sevita was three years older, but Kelly liked to tease her all the same.

She would never be like Sevita, Kelly decided then.

--

When Kelly was nine, Sevita was twelve and got her period for the first time, and Kelly swore it was like a party. Daddy left the house, probably embarrassed, but Mama gave Sevita a big hug and let her lie on the couch all day. And then Auntie Priya and Auntie Lakshmi came over and squealed over Sevita, who they declared to be "on her way to womanhood!" They brought food and flowers and fawned over her, saying things about marriage and babies. Sevita offered to share the huge ice cream sundae Mama had given her, but Kelly didn't want charity sweets. Instead, she teased Sevvie about being a lazy lazy bug who was going to get fat off ice cream and chocolate.

At dinner that night, Kelly declared that she wasn't going to get her period. After all, Sevita had hers, and Kelly knew that Sevita was a stupid girl, and thus, stupid girls got periods. And Kelly was not going to be a stupid girl, especially a stupid girl like Sevita in any way.

Instead of getting mad at Kelly for calling Sevita stupid, Mama just laughed.

"Oh, Kelinda, how wrong you are. Just wait. I think you're more like Sevita than you see."

Then she and the aunties laughed, but Kelly didn't get the joke and just scowled and asked for more rice.

--

When Kelly was eleven, Sevita was fourteen and entering high school, and Mama and Daddy couldn't be more proud. Their little girl was going to high school, and then after that, college, and then medical school! They just knew it!

Kelly was woken up forty-five minutes early that day, so she could see her big sister off to high school. Still in her pajamas, and grumpy from having been woken at six o'clock, Kelly blearily glared at her sister as she changed outfits four times, from pink skirt to black jeans to flowered blouse to trendy t-shirt. When Sevita finally decided on a blue skirt and the trendy t-shirt, Kelly had watched with morbid fascination as her sister applied mascara and eyeliner and blush and lipstick to her already-beautiful face with mock-expert precision (Kelly remembers her lipstick was a little smudged and the mascara made her eyelashes look like tarantula legs.)

Then Kelly watched with satisfaction as Daddy had a fit at all the makeup Sevita was wearing and marched her straight back upstairs to wash it all off.

Sevita stuck her tongue out at Kelly as she ran up the stairs, dramatic tears already taking care of the mascara.

"Just you wait, Kelinda. This will be you in a few years."

Never, Kelly had vowed, and went to go change for school.

--

When Kelly was thirteen, Sevita was sixteen and one day, the both of them overheard Mama talking on the phone.

"Yes, yes. Oh, I think that will be a very good match. They are a very good family…he wants to be an engineer? Ooo, he will make a lot of money and be able to care for my Sevita. Very good, very good! I will call Rani and Adit and arrange a formal meeting." Then Mama hung up the phone and clapped excitedly and Kelly had turned to Sevita to ask if she knew what that was about.

But Sevita had tears in her eyes, and Kelly asked her what was the matter.

"Oh, Kelly," she had said. "Mama is arranging a marriage for me. To Arav."

"Arav? But he's so ugly! And boring! All he talks about is science. Ha, your babies would have sour faces and be really dull. You'd be Mrs. Arav Dullface," Kelly teased.

But then Sevita sobbed some more and clutched Kelly's hand. "I know, Kelly. Don't you think I know? I don't want to marry him. But Mama and Daddy have it all set up. Kelly," she said, looking into her eyes, "I want to marry who I choose. I want to find real love, by myself, like in all the books and movies. Do you understand?"

Kelly nodded, though she only barely grasped the concept. She knew her classmates liked to watch those sorts of movies, where the girl was pretty and always got her boy, and they lived happily ever after. Kelly had only seen a few of them, and most times, she fell asleep before the kiss at the end.

But Sevita was looking so distraught that Kelly thought this real love thing must be important, so she squeezed her sister's hand and said, no teasing, "Sevvie, I think you'll get it. You know, that real love thing. I mean, this sort of thing happens in the movies, too. Doesn't it?"

And then Sevita's eyes had brightened a little and she smiled widely at Kelly.

"Yes. Yes, it does. You're right. My real true love will come and rescue me from this marriage, and we'll run away together." She then squealed a little, even through her tears, and Kelly's ears hurt a little, but at least she wasn't sobbing anymore.

Kelly was about to go and work on her math homework (her favorite subject, for real), but Sevita still clutched her hand.

"Promise me when you find _your_ real love, you won't let it go, Kelinda. Promise me," she said dramatically, and Kelly had rolled her eyes but promised anyway, and Sevita gave her a real smile then.

"Good." She paused. "I love you, little sister."

"I love you too," Kelly casually replied as she walked out of the room.

--

When Kelly was fourteen, just barely past her first semester of high school, Sevita was in a car accident. She was riding shotgun with her friend when another driver ran a red light and slammed into the passenger side door going almost fifty miles an hour.

The paramedics said Sevita didn't even make it into the ambulance. She was barely seventeen.

Mama wailed through the entire funeral. Daddy just sat like a stone with a look of deep-set anger and also sadness.

Kelly had cried with an intensity she didn't know she had. She looked at her sister's peaceful face, and the pretty sari she was dressed in, and the flowers, and couldn't believe that Sevita was not going to be around for her to tease anymore. She couldn't believe that she would go through the rest of high school without Sevvie to show her what to do.

Kelly didn't stop crying until the night after the funeral. Auntie Priya took her up to bed and gave her lots of water, so she wouldn't dehydrate herself.

"So sad, so sad," Priya kept saying, and Kelly felt like punching her. Of course it was sad. Her seventeen-year-old sister had just _died_. Kelly felt raw anger boiling up in her, and she was about to lash out when she thought of what Sevvie would do. She certainly wouldn't be angry. She wouldn't want to punch Auntie Priya. Sevvie was sweet. Sevvie just wanted love.

So Kelly just hugged Auntie Priya and thanked her in a raspy, polite voice for the water, and after the older woman left, Kelly fell asleep with tears still wet on her cheeks.

--

For a year after Sevvie died, the Kapoor family drifted through life. Mama still talked about her Sevita as if she were still alive. Daddy, on the other hand, didn't say a word. By the end of that first year, it was if his face was carved from stone. Kelly rarely said anything to him other than polite, everyday things, like "Would you like me to do the dishes, Daddy?" She wasn't rambunctious or tomboyish like she had been before. After all, now she had to be two daughters instead of one. She had to be a good daughter, so not to cause them any more pain.

So Kelly began to dress like Sevita had, in pretty floral prints and dark raspberry shades. She wore makeup like Sevita had, she mastered mascara and eyeliner. And she still got good grades in school, though she didn't much care for it anymore, because it didn't really seem important.

--

When Kelly was eighteen, she graduated from high school. She didn't even think of applying to Princeton, which is where Sevita wanted to go for her undergraduate pre-med studies. Instead, she went to a local state college that was close to home. That way she could come back often and help take care of the house and Mama, who had gotten very fragile after her daughter's death.

And Kelly never stopped looking for love, just like Sevita. She dated one boy in college who she thought might be The One, but for one reason or another, they drifted apart. He claimed she never talked about anything serious, and she said there was nothing serious to talk about.

--

When Kelly was twenty-two, she graduated from college and got an internship at Dunder-Mifflin Paper Company. It was close to home, so she could check on Mama and Daddy, but now she had her own apartment, so she wouldn't have to deal with them all the time.

She dated a few boys, but they were nothing special. Not real love, anyway. Sevita would have dismissed them with a wave of her hand and a flash of her berry lipgloss, and that's exactly what Kelly did.

--

When Kelly was twenty-five, Ryan Howard began working at Dunder-Mifflin. She immediately noticed that he was cute, but eh, his hair was too long and plus, he was only a temp. Why start something if he was going to be gone in a few months?

But then a few months passed, and then six months, and then seven, and somewhere in there Ryan got his hair cut. And she learned that he was going to business school, and he wanted to own his own business someday.

She also learned that his eyes were so blue you could get lost in them, like the ocean in Hawaii, and that when he smiled, his eyes got even bluer.

And when Jim told her that Ryan was interested, well, Kelly knew something big was at stake. So they went out on a date and Kelly knew that Ryan could be that Real Love she was looking for. After all, he was so smart, and cute, and funny, and ambitious, too. He was exactly the kind of guy Sevita would like. And that meant that Kelly liked him too.

--

When Kelly turned twenty-six, her mother sent her a card with a check and signed it from both her and Daddy. The card said to come for dinner on Saturday, but Kelly knew that Mama would just stop cooking in the middle of the meal because Sevita had always helped her with the cooking, after all. Then Kelly would finish cooking and the meal would be eaten in silence.

Kelly tossed the card on her kitchen table and headed out the door. She was already late for work.

--

There was an office party held in her honor that day, complete with ice cream cake that Meredith couldn't eat and booze that Toby didn't allow. Kelly's coworkers gave her a big card with a shirtless guy on the cover and nice messages written inside, along with a two-year subscription to People, and she smiled and giggled like she was supposed to but her heart wasn't really in it.

--

Kelly was sitting at her desk in the back while the party was in full swing, just re-reading the messages everyone had written, when she noticed that Ryan hadn't signed the card. She crinkled her eyebrows, and part of her was very hurt, but then there was another part of her that didn't even care anymore. She was starting to think that maybe Ryan wasn't The One, so it didn't even matter anyway. Sighing, she propped the card up so she could see Jim's funny message next to Pam's sincerely sweet one and began filing a report.

--

"There you are. I've been looking—you're doing work during your birthday party?"

Kelly had just finished the first report when Ryan appeared at her desk, looking a little frazzled and maybe a little—nervous?

"Oh, hi," she replied, kind of wondering why exactly he was there. After all, he hadn't returned her calls for about two weeks now. What did he care if she was working through her birthday party? "Yeah, I um…I was kind of, you know, tired of the festivities." He nodded as if he knew exactly what she was talking about, and he probably did.

"So what did you want?" Kelly asked, a little bluntly, and Ryan's eyes widened, as if he wasn't expecting her to say something like that. Then again, she hadn't been blunt in a very long time.

"Oh, um…well, I just wanted to give you this. Happy birthday." He handed her a small box and a card and she took them, surprise clearly etched in her face.

"Thank you," she said, and before she could open the card, Ryan said something else.

"It's kind of, ah, a birthday present and an apology. For not returning your calls."

Kelly almost dropped the box. "Ryan, you don't have to—"

"Kelly, just take it. Really. Look, I'm sorry. I really am. I just—well, sometimes you scare me, Kelly."

She wasn't sure how to react to that, so she just sat there, and he continued. "I mean, you talk about getting married and having kids and jeez, Kelly, I like you, but I'm only twenty six. I don't want to think about that until I have a job that doesn't have "must get yams for boss when he asks" under Job Description!"

Kelly couldn't help but snort with laughter, and Ryan looked at her like he wasn't expecting her to laugh. "Oh, come on, Ryan. That was pretty funny, you have to admit. Honestly, what grown man complains about _yams_?"

And he cracked a smile, and she was still smiling, too, and she said, "Listen, Ryan, I'm sorry, too. I mean, I do want to get married and have kids eventually, but if you're not ready to talk about it yet, then we won't. I mean, I don't want to freak you out. Just…tell me when you're freaking out, okay? And we can talk about it."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay." Ryan gave her a relieved smile, and she laughed, a full-out laugh she hadn't felt in a long time. "Hey, open your present," he told her, leaning on the edge of her desk.

And Kelly carefully ripped the purple wrapping paper—had she told Ryan that purple was her _real _favorite color? She didn't think she had—and found a white box inside. She opened that and gasped when she found the little amethyst hanging from a silver chain.

"Oh, Ryan—how did you—?"

"Oh, I uh—I saw you looking at it that one time we went to the mall. This is the right one, right?"

Kelly smiled widely. "Yes. It's perfect, Ryan. Thank you."

"Oh, well, um. Happy birthday."

They sat there in silence for a little, listening to the sounds of yet another Michael Scott office party, until Ryan glanced around her desk and picked up a picture frame.

"Hey, who's this?" he asked, and Kelly felt a dull ache start in her chest.

"Oh. Um. That's me, and my sister Sevita." Ryan's eyebrows crinkled.

"You have a sister? You never talk about her," he said, and the dull ache spread through to her stomach.

"Oh. Yeah. She died when I was fourteen," Kelly said, and the dull ache throbbed, but there was a lightness in her head. Ryan looked at her.

"Oh. That's…I'm really sorry, Kelly."

"It was an accident," she said, and he put a hand on her shoulder and looked at her with an almost shy look in his eyes.

"Well, you know, if you ever want to talk about it…"

Kelly felt the lightness in her head again and she smiled.

"Thanks, Ryan. I'd like that." She told him sincerely, then held out the necklace to him. "Hey, could you—?"

He took the necklace and she turned in her chair so he could put it on for her, and while he was fumbling with the clasp, she smirked and teased him, "So, are you going to buy Michael a necklace, too? You know, since you don't return his calls, either? I mean, his heart is totally broken, Ryan. You ruined him for all other temps. He'll never hire again."

Ryan made a choking noise in his throat, and she laughed at him, feeling better than she had in a long time. She spun around to face him, and he was looking at her like he'd never seen her before, like he was trying to figure out if she'd ever teased him like that before. Kelly didn't think she had, because you know, Sevita never teased anyone. It wasn't in her nature.

No, Sevita never teased.

But Kelly did.

---

**Hindi names: Sevita--"Cherished" Kelinda (my own variation of Kalinda)--"The Sun"**


End file.
